It’s not a big deal.

16 Feb

Why is it people think there’s something going on when in fact, there’s none? Or is it just me who’s blind enough not to see it?

It’s not much of a big deal but it was like as if people was making a big deal out of it. SERIOUSLY, WHEN I AM IN A FOUL MOOD I DON’T THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO LET THE WORLD KNOW ABOUT IT. Like tonight, for example. I realized certain things which I failed to do before and it actually felt weary. I have problems and issues and…yeah. I don’t think adding this thing to the list will make me feel much better.

It was only a simple message, for goodness sake! Yeah I know it’s soooooo rude not to appreciate everything. BUT I DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO ASSUME, in that case you’re only making an ASS out of U and ME. And that’s totally gross enough.

“I don’t want this.” I told myself.

“I don’t like this.” I try convincing myself.

Am I only playing a serious game?  Or I just let things flow that I didn’t have enough control to take it over?

Fudge. This wasn’t the right time and I guess it wasn’t also the right person. You can feel when there’s something going on. That person would be the one whom you’ll think when you have problems, but I guess it’s not what I did. I HAVE PROBLEMS NOW. Big problems, bigger than myself and my ego.

Like tonight when I realized how much of an unambitious I really am. I have no idea at all what will happen to me in the future. I want to have some achievements that I can tell my future sons and daughters about. I want them to be proud of me.

But I guess now I am failing. And obviously, nonsensical things like crushes or loves or flowers or chocolates didn’t make me feel less miserable.

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Posted by on February 16, 2011 in Doomsday


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