16 Feb

Too much of a self-obsessed? A critic, perhaps? It feels like I have no ambition at all. If I want to succeed in life, to become a professional CPA, I must sacrifice certain things in order to focus more on my goal.

But I guess I failed to do that for the past 2 years that I spent in college. When I was younger, I have so many ambitions in life. First, I want my family to be proud of me especially my father. So I obey them by taking up BSA so I can graduate with a good course and I can easily get a job in the future. Second, I have a big ego thinking that I can graduate with “flying colors”, yeah…I can, but I just didn’t. I failed to do that second goal. I ACTUALLY FAILED TO. I can’t have Latin Honors if my grades were so low I can’t even bear to tell my Dad about it. I am sure he’ll be disappointed. He sacrificed himself by working overseas away from us and when he comes back, this is what he’s going to get?

My failing grades in law? He was disappointed when I didn’t pass the entrance exam in one of the prestigious schools that he wants his daughter to be enrolled. But, I made it up for him by being on a Dean’s Lister Roll during the First Year. He calls me “Atty.” thinking that I will become a lawyer someday…yet it shows like I wouldn’t be, if he’ll see that I failed Law01 on midterms.

Sometimes, I accused my professor for making it difficult for us since it was really his fault that the subject was sooooo hard. But maybe, it was God’s own will that he chose him to be my professor so I can prepare myself in the future. If others can, why can’t I? Even I admit it that what I did wasn’t good enough.

“What I sow is what I reap.” Or is it the other way around? The seeds that I plant on the first day of school will grow sometimes in the future. I became hooked up with the idea of love and of teenage dramas. Seriously, it’s hard to focus when there’s so much fun out there right?

How could I achieve it if I am not doing my very best, or if what I am doing is not enough? My ambitions were all shallow. If I want to succeed, I should focus more. I don’t need distractions.

I am failing but certainly not falling.

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Posted by on February 16, 2011 in Doomsday


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