Deep inside, we have our own desire. Our deepest darkest secret we never tell other people about. We only kept it on ourselves; we even kept it without the knowledge of those we cared the most. We are all selfish in a different way and it depends on whether we should let it control us or we do the other way around.
At some points of our lives, selfishness had tempted us to make the wrong decisions because there’s this nagging terror that never escapes. So we do things to escape ourselves from being shunned out of the society. We do things to please the majority and yet the motive was for our own good.
I have seen quite enough people embrace the temptation of egocentric. I have also seen myself almost devoured at the idea of being selfish. More or less, I stopped fighting and there came a time when I am not strong enough to be able to control it. Instead, it spit back itself onto me and I was trapped there for a second, but then again I thought of much better things rather than concerning myself. Though still, that didn’t erase the idea that my soul was already damaged.
I almost regret it. Making decisions based on my own good and not of other people. I tried to shut people out of my life because I think it was the best for them, not knowing I am actually doing a favor for myself. I made the devil win over times – now who’s acting like Miss Prym – and up until now there were circumstances wherein it tempted me to make the same mistakes again.
But I became too careful deep inside. I have experienced being abandoned and left behind and I overcame the feeling of sadness. You just have to get used to it. Until all was left was a feeling of numbness and insensitivity.
I became used to the fact that it seems as if I can never get what I wanted right now, let alone what I want for the future. There’s always that deep desire, as I said. And that desire always paired up with selfishness because we always want more. Ironically, we always want what we can have. That’s a bitter theory that people always mixed up with reality.
Well then, maybe some people thought, “If we are all selfish, then we are committing a sin. If that’s the case, are we all devils on the earth?”
No but we all are sinners. Jesus already told us that which is the reason why He came here on earth to die on the cross for our sins. We are sinners, but that doesn’t mean we are all devil. The devil was inside us, like selfishness, temptation, great desire…but there’s also a space for goodness. So basically, our soul was divided into two: Evil or Good. It depends on us which one will we control and which one will control us.