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Monthly Archives: June 2011

Waiting.

What’s happening?

Twitter asked me that a hundred times. Yet honestly, I do not have any idea. Sometimes, I feel like I am expecting too much from myself. I was trying to be someone else, rather than be myself. And what’s absurd is that I actually didn’t know myself.

I am waiting for someone who would frankly told me “What’s happening?” And then hug me tight like I am the most precious girl in the world. I just wanted to be appreciated for who I am, not for what people expect me to be.

Sometimes, when I’m alone…I realized I am not that blissful in my life. Why can’t I be like everyone else? Why can’t I be strong? Why can’t I be happy and contented for a long time?

I am so futuristic. I think first of what might happen, before I took chances. Or should I say, I never take chances. I always lose in the game. I always fall for the wrong ones. I failed to see the people who cared about me.

I…wanted to be perfect. But I guess, trying to be perfect is the most impossible thing in the world. And I should stop.

I wish I could be myself. I wish I could find me.

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Posted by on June 19, 2011 in Confessions

 

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Where am I again?

It was dark and I was lost, searching and running through the tunnel. There, I saw some light…But ooops, something blocked my way. Dark began to eat the remaining flicker of light. I cannot see.

Where was I again? I did notice the fact that a friend of mine likes me. I was not that blind, it’s just that…I was unsure of what to feel. Would you take a risk if you’re unsure of your feelings?

Would you let the friendship gone into the next level?

Of course not, right?

Although some people say the best relationship came from friendship. I didn’t know these some people. And, I wasn’t really sure. As in, how many times should I tell you this?

If this thing really bothered me, maybe it’s a big deal, or not, or whatever, or WTF was wrong with me?

Okay so stop. Chill.

School starts tomorrow and I must pack my things and well, see if something happened. I hadn’t seen a lot of effort so maybe, it wasn’t as serious as they said it.

School Year 2011-2012, please be kind and fun.

Btw, I suck at writing. Haha!

 
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Posted by on June 11, 2011 in Doomsday

 

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Forget me not.

Whenever I read, it was as if I am part of another world. Not mine; but theirs. I am a bystander who’s watching a story enfold in my eyes. Not my story; but theirs. Somehow, it made me forget that I was living in this world. It made me think about someone else’s lives not mine. And sometimes, it felt good. Felt good to actually forget about myself – about everything, even my life for once.

It was the reason why I love reading. It makes me become someone I am not. It makes me feel as if I am part of their story. But the irony of it, when I am busy reading other people’s stories; I made a mistake of overlooking what’s mine. What’s left on me; who really am I?

It saddens me to know that the stories I am reading actually had their fair share of happy endings. Whilst me, I don’t even had. I failed to notice the good things about myself. I am still looking for that something – probably another kind of love – which I cannot find on my own home.

I am easily being forgotten. I am nothing special. Partly because I didn’t treat others special too; but hey! It’s my defense mechanism. I really need to be tough sometimes, not as fragile as I seem to be.

I only asked for one thing…

Forget me not.

 
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Posted by on June 6, 2011 in Confessions

 

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