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Monthly Archives: March 2013

Blame me, fine!

It’s frustrating to feel so alone despite of all those people around you. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. But I couldn’t help it. If you’re alone, there are just a lot of things going on inside your head. Some thoughts could make you feel paranoid about life. And it’s not healthy for the soul.

Yesterday was a blast! I had fun getting my diploma although it’s tiring. The day we’ve all been waiting for is finally over, and we’re all officially not college students anymore. But then these are just a passing moment. Our goal was achieved. Which comes to question, what’s next? I’m always the person who’s pretty hard to be satisfied. I want to be busy than bummed. I feel so useless when I’m bummed. And now I’m officially bummed. I’ve got two months before the review starts and I’ve got no idea how to kill time. I don’t like waiting. I feel like all my knowledge  I’ve learned in school for four years will vanish if I won’t keep my  mind working. I needed a company. I needed someone to connect myself to, emotionally. Being single for 19 years has it’s drawbacks. I wonder how it took me this time to realize what a I’ve been missing out on life. Yes, I am happy I finally got my diploma. I am happy I didn’t disappoint my parents. I am happy that everyone is happy for me. But then, it’s like I don’t achieve what I want to achieve. I don’t like questioning myself what’s so wrong about me. I don’t like being this so paranoid about the future. I am afraid I might regret the chances I didn’t take and afraid of making bad decisions. But bad decisions makes us stronger, right? I always thought I am strong enough for controlling my feelings when it gets vulnerable. Yet I was wrong. I am the weak one. I am the stupid one for doing so. I didn’t figure things out if it will work first. And now, everybody’s turned their backs on me. Perhaps I missed my chance with a person I really liked before. And I’m having a hard time liking someone now. Although there were few people who blatantly flirts with me, but it’s only temporary. No one has ever stayed for more than a semester. Everybody gets bored in me and left me. Yes, I am whining here. I am being again the drama queen. I hate being the drama queen. I hate ranting. I don’t like it. It feels so selfish. Like I only cared about my feelings. I should care more about those who cares about me, right? LOL who am I kidding? 

So, I should probably end this. I missed out the pre-encounter I’d want myself to be in in the first place. I like to go to places. I like to meet new and different people. I just don’t want to be a bystander watching everyone had fun in their lives. I am tired of this. Yes, blame me for being this dramatic. But sometimes, I can’t help it. 

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Posted by on March 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Posted by on March 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Wallflower

So this is my favorite line of Sam from Perks of Being a Wallflower:

“It’s just that I don’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.”

It is true. Isn’t it? Sometimes, when we feel like we like someone, we thought about them a lot. But do thoughts really count? Would they be able to appreciate that? Will they be like, “Hey thanks for thinking about me. That’s really nice of you.” And then, in return, they would suddenly like you? No…right?

It even sounds creepy to me, when someone is thinking a lot about me. But that’s not the point. The point is, thinking about him or her does not matter if you won’t let that person show how you really feel. It won’t matter if you are just keeping it inside you. I salute those who have the courage to show people how they really feel about them. Because they are risking their own feelings. They are open up to rejection and not asking for anything in return other than showing their affections to someone. It’s frustrating to know that after you reject someone, he/she is not open to being friends anymore. Like their main goal is to be your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Well, why am I thinking a lot about these things? Because this should have been the time when I was supposed to be in a relationship already. Hm? 

Haha. My life is full of drama LOL

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Enough is enough? LOL

So last night I’m a bit melodramatic. It’s funny how I’m looking through some old blogs from those people whom I didn’t really know =))) But anyways, our lunch date together turns out to be okay. Although I am not sure if there’s going to be a next time. At least it’s not as awkward as I thought it would have been. I just hope I was able to do that during my first date 2 years ago. He’s much more interested in me than you are. But I pushed him away. Ugh, if given a chance… would it still matter?

Haha. Silly thoughts of mine. Seriously, I realized I am not the only one who’s thinking these thoughts =))) There are other girls out there, doing the same thing. It’s kinda comforting knowing I am not the only one having these dramas in life LOL

Graduation is coming!!! I am not sure if I’ll be excited for that =))

 
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Posted by on March 21, 2013 in Gobbledygook

 

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Overkill

I hate this financial burden that limits my time to enjoy life. I wanted to go to places, to travel, to explore and stretch my boundaries. Yet traveling is expensive. I know I am still a teenager. But I felt as if my teenage years was robbed off. I haven’t had the time of my life, I might have a few nights but yea, I am dissatisfied with it. I know I should be thankful that despite our financial crisis, my parents provided me with shelter and education. I was enrolled in a school with a high-paying tuition. But I face a lot of social pressures because some of my classmates are rich. And I am just this ordinary girl with no interest in expensive things. You see, money can limit you from what you wanted to do in life. I know, money is not just the root of happiness. But believe me, it can buy happiness. It can make you go to places, eat great cuisines, buy all nice stuffs, etc. Right? Or my opinions about this is somehow distorted?

Well, I must sleep now because tomorrow might be a big day. But hey! Do not over think please. Just let things go with the flow.

I am just depressed @ the mo. Is this a mental state or what? Hmp. Mood swings. LOL

 
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Posted by on March 20, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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100 mostly useless questions

So I was bored and came up with an idea of answering a few questions about myself. What’s more fun than to answer the 100 mostly useless questions? Well, here it is…

1. Are you an innie or an outie?

– An innie I think. I spend most of my time inside my room that sometimes it’s so depressing. Haha

2. Have you ever written a song?

– Yeah I think I did.

3. Can you make change for a dollar right now?

– No…?

4. Have you ever been in the opposite sex’s public toilet?

– Yes I think. Men’s toilet are kind of gross 🙂

5. Have you ever written a poem?

– Of course. Mostly about teenage angst and puppy love.

6. Do you like catsup on or beside your fries?

– Beside I think.

7. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout?

– No 😦 But I wish I had.

8. Have you ever written a book?

– Ha. I wish! I couldn’t even finish my stories.

9. Have you ever broken a mirror?

– I lost count 🙂

10. Are you superstitious?

– Sometimes. Haha

11. What is your biggest pet peeve?

– I am not sure if it’s the biggest though. But, professors who are so demanding. 😡

12. Do you slurp your drink after it’s gone?

– Yessss.

13. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk?

– Yesss. It’s fun!

14. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper?

– Whooper? Haha

15. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

– I wish 🙂

16. Would you ever parachute out of a plane?

– Yeah! It sounds fun.

17. What’s the most daring thing you’ve done?

– Nah. I am too conservative to do daring things. Haha!

18. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic?

– Usually plastic 🙂

19. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza.

– Right now yes! I am tired of eating pizza. Haha

20.Did you have a baby blanket?

– Noooo.

21. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair?

– A lot of times. I am very frustrated with my hair.

22. How did that turn out?

– Well, it never turns out to be good. I had to bun my hair before going to the salon for hair rebonding.

23. Have you ever sleepwalked?

– I think I might have. 

24; Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds?

– No. I wouldn’t wish it though.

25. Can you flip your eye-lids up?

– I think yes but that’s disgusting.

26. Are you double jointed?

– No…

27. If you could be any age, what age would you be?

– I want to be a forever teenager 🙂

28. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair?

– Yes.

29. Do you ride roller coasters?

– I’m loving it 🙂

30. What’s your favorite carnival ride?

– Uh, roller coaster? 🙂

31. What is your dream car?

– Lexus or Porsche 🙂

32. What is your favorite cartoon of all time?

– Tom & Jerry never gets old.

33.Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit?

– Why would I? Haha

34. If so, would you eat another one?

– I never tried.

35. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, what would you do first?

– Panic! I can’t swim! Haha

36. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?

– I don’t remember…so no.

37. Can you pick something up with your toes?

– Yes, small things like ballpen? 🙂

38. How many remote controls do you have in your house?

– Probably two…or one. Not sure!

39. Have you ever fallen asleep in school?

– I think I might.

40. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year?

– I never 😦

41. How many foreign countries have you visited?

– None 😦 But I plan to.

42. If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal?

– For experience, I might do that.

43. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy?

– Poor and happy? But wait, how can you be rich and unhappy? Haha

44. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float?

– Is it possible to float in a quicksand? Haha

45. Do you ask for directions when you are lost?

 I think that’s one of the options to do.

46. Have you ever held a Mexican jumping bean?

–  I don’t even know what that is 🙂

47. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland?

–  Cinderella. I’m more on this kind of fairy-tales make-believe.

48. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points?

– Box of crayons with broken points? What’s the point of having an ant farm with no ants? Tsss 🙂

49. Do you prefer light or dark bread?

– It depends on the flavor.

50. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs?

– Scrambled eggs 🙂

51. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas?

– Is public transportation applicable in here?

52. Do you talk in your sleep?

– I am not sure though. But I think I don’t.

53. Would you rather shovel snow or mow the lawn?

– Shovel snow! I haven’t experience that!

54. Have you ever played in the rain?

– I love playing under the pouring rain.

55. Did you make mud pies?

– I haven’t 😦

56. Have you ever broken a bone?

–  No.

57. Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten?

– I think I would ask for help if it’s very high. And how did the kitten ever got there?

58. Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

– No but I think both are dangerous.

59. Do you drink pepsi or coke?

– Both.

60. What’s your favorite number?

– 21.

61. If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car?

– Sports car. For a change.

62. Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel?

– Do paper towels count?

63. Have you ever slipped in the bathtub?

–  Yes and it was painful.

64. Do you use regular or deodorant soap?

– Regular? I didn’t know there’s a deodorant soap.

65. Have you ever locked yourself out of the house?

– Yes 😦 I was stupid to forget my keys inside.

66. Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices?

– Singing cowboy will do 🙂

67. If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be?

– Emma Watson! 🙂

68. Do you need corrective lenses?

I think I might need a contact lenses now 😦

69. Would you hang out with / date someone your best friend didn’t like?

– Yea sure. So I can see whether he/she is likable or not.

70. Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn’t like?

– It depends haha!

71. Have you ever returned a gift?

– Umm… no?

72. Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you?

– No!

73. If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be?

– Football game? Haha

74. If you could participate in an Olympic Event, what would it be?

– Naaa. I’m not sporty.

75. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

–  I don’t count.

76. If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her?

–  Of course not.

77. Do you sing in the car?

– Who doesn’t??? 🙂

78. What is your favorite breed of dog?

Pomeranian 🙂

79. Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter?

– If I have money why not? 😀

80. What is your favorite fruit?

– Siniguelas 🙂

81. What is your least favorite fruit?

– I don’t know…

82. What kind of fruit have you never had?

– I am not sure. Haha

83. If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick?

Bazaars will do 🙂

84. What brand sports apparel do you wear the most?

– I am not brand conscious. So anything good and comfortable will do.

85. Are/were you a good student?

I think I was 🙂

86. Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat?

I think I’m the weakest of them all.

87. If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in?

– Air force 🙂

88. What do you think is your best feature?

– I am not sure if it’s my smile or my eyes.

89. If you were to win a Grammy, what kind of music would it be for?

 Pop! 🙂

90. If you were to win an Osacr, what kind of movie would it be for?

–  Sci fi 🙂

91. What is your favorite season?

– Autumn 🙂

92. How many members do you have in your immediate family?

– Not sure -_-

93. Which of the five senses is most important to you?

–  Sense of taste 🙂

94. Would you be a more successful painter or singer?

A singer!

95. How many years will/did you end up going to college?

–  I ended up taking college for four years. Thank God 🙂

96. Have you ever had surgery?

– Nah. But I had a few stitches.

97. Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player?

Professional figure skater 🙂

98. What do you like to collect?

Any memorabilias.

99. How many collectibles do you have?

None haha!

100. What one question would you add to this survey?

 Do you love yourself?

 

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2013 in Confessions

 

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Small bumps

Happiness is an everyday struggle to find. You can be happy today, but tomorrow your fate might change your mood. You can hate on anyone today but tomorrow you might fall for them. You can be stupid but still you can recover from that incidence. We learned from the everyday lesson that life taught us. Events happen every second of every day. You might not notice that you are growing apart from your friends for three years. You might even meet new friends. But the important thing is what happens today, the reality of your world. We make decisions based on our judgement. Whether or not it would benefit us tomorrow. We must always take that into consideration before jumping into a terrible decision. We must watch our actions. You and me. However small these bumps are, when we fail to notice, might grow into a large one that’s really hard to heal. At the end of the day, I hope for everyone to find themselves and not become lost into despair because the world is so cruel and it must be destroyed. Let’s not destroy ourselves along with the world. Let’s be cautious.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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