It’s been almost two weeks since my graduation. But it felt like it only happened yesterday. Here I am, wondering about the whereabouts of my friends. Thinking what they are doing at this moment. And missing them of course. Actually, it’s the birthday of one of my closest friend. Supposedly, we would surprise her today. But it turns out I wouldn’t be there. My family had plans for today, and I should be a part of it. My mum won’t let me out, although I know I can still push it. But my body is too lazy to even go to their house which is more than an hour away. And I don’t have a car. And I feel guilty to ask for money. I know it’s a bit selfish not to sacrifice my time and my laziness for her. But this is me, okay? I am always unreliable, and talkshit. I push people out of my life. I try not to get too attached to anyone because I am scared of being vulnerable. So I kept everything to myself. It is a selfish act, I know. But that’s my choice. I wished her a happy birthday though. That’s all I could do. I am not sweet. And they know it. My circle of friends know it. We never do something sweet for one another. And maybe that’s what I like about them. I won’t ever expect something from them. And I am happy for it. Because expectations could only lead to disappointment. And I don’t wanna be disappointed. I am just too tired to be.
However, there is this one guy I talk to almost everyday. He seems very nice, and I only notice him like now. He’s like, every other girls’ friend. And I am guessing, he’s a really good guy. Even a “dorky one” as his one buddy so fondly calls him. But he makes a lot of sense to me. I feel like I don’t need to pretend when I am talking to him. Seriously, I thought I’d only like bad boys or bad-boy looking guys. But this is an unexpected turning point for me. Although I know he likes one of our common friends, but I am not so sure about that anymore. It’s like, yes, I wanted to be one of his close friends as well. I guess there’s just this aura about him that makes us girls drawn into him, as a friend. Not as someone you would drool over about. But looking through the archives of our conversation, I laugh however silly the jokes are. And he’s a real gentleman and very understanding. He’s this guy who won’t make you feel alone. And I think, if chances would have it, I don’t deserve him. He deserves someone who would appreciate his efforts. And I applaud him for his kindness. Although I am a girl, he still listens to my rant. I even doubted his sexuality (lol) and told him so about it. Yet, he refuse. Well, there’s something about him that attracts me. I am not so sure. He’s easy to talk to. And he’s not that “into” me. So I guess that’s what this is all about. We go after those who doesn’t really like us. It makes perfectly sense to me.
But let’s take this slow, shall we? After all, I’m about to see him with some of my friends. I hope I’ll have a good time. And I am also hoping to get closer to him. Naks!