If my “thing” is singing, then I am not good at training myself to be a singer.
If my “thing” is academics, then maybe I should push myself more and do my best because I am not doing it now or did not do it before.
If my “thing” is writing, perhaps what I needed to learn first is how to construct my sentences correctly and be great at making my point.
But no, my “thing” is still missing. I am currently looking for it. Currently building up my goals, and hoping it would somehow lead me to a path where I can definitely feel satisfied.
I’ve been deprived of many material things. Ever since, I grew up without expecting birthday celebrations and gifts. I grew up being insecure because I do not have what other kids have. Because I do not have that kind of tangible thing. But realizing now how shallow it was, I let myself be so immensely focused on what’s not important. At least, I was able to graduate on time and not let anything bad happen to me during undergrad. But still, if I just learned how to enjoy life more without thinking about how am I supposed to have these material things, then maybe I’ve learned to have a much more meaningful life.
But let’s not talk about it right now. Let’s focus on this moment. Because this moment is much more important than the rest. The decisions of today would give me a brighter future. Perhaps what I need now is determination and motivation to study for my board exams. I am still looking for that, don’t worry. Right now, this is my “thing.”