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Srsly, how insensitive could I be?

Is it really necessary to have a date on Valentine’s Day?

Some random guy asked me out on a date today, well he’s not so random, but he’s the guy whom I talked to yesterday because I asked him about his experiences on his internship. He’s very nice, and he’s intelligent. But the thing is, he’s like 26 years old and I’m 18. Well, I have no problems with age gap. However, the only thing that bothers me is that I don’t really feel comfortable going out with someone on a date. Especially with a guy whom I hadn’t talked before until yesterday. He’s just this guy whom I shared smiles when we both walked on the same corridor.

I had my first date before, and it turns out to be uncomfortable for me. And I guess I bore that person. You see, I am really not much of a talker, well except when I’m around with my friends but that’s a different story. Besides, I know this guy doesn’t like me too much, and I don’t want my friends to know that we went out because that would create an issue for me since I am not that kind of girl who randomly say yes to any guy who asked me out. The thing is, its kind of rude to ignore that guy because I saw him near our classroom and I didn’t tell him about my decision that I am not free tonight, that I have something to do and that I don’t go on dates. Although maybe I could tell him that tomorrow, or the next day when I see him at school. But still, what I did was rude and I haven’t told anyone about it because I don’t want to make it as a big deal. Besides, like I said before that I don’t feel comfortable talking about these things because I don’t want to sound so insensitive, although what I did was very insensitive.

*Sigh*

I really don’t feel so lonely this valentine’s day, because what’s so new about it? And what makes me think again is that, why would that guy asked me out on a valentine’s day? It’s so cliched that I’ve seen so many roses or cakes or balloons inside our school and I don’t really want to go on a cliched day to spend some time with him. If he’s really interested with me, well he should have asked me out on a date when it’s not valentine’s day. Besides, I really don’t need a date today. Who cares anyway?

I remember last year’s post valentine’s day, when a friend of mine brought me a bouquet of flowers and I didn’t sound too much excited about it, or too thankful for that matter. I am always rude when it came to guys liking me and I couldn’t help it, maybe I grew up to be like that. It always looks like I never appreciate anything, but honestly, I do appreciate things. I just don’t want to show it to people because I am scared that I would expect too much and that later on, my expectations would turn out to disappointment. I really don’t need that right now.

*Sigh* again. Maybe next year, I would have a date… with someone I would feel comfortable with.

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Posted by on February 14, 2012 in Doomsday

 

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Influenza.

My title sucks isn’t it?

I guess I’ve influenced some people (or inspired them perhaps) to make blogs. I mean…that’s so great and wow, I totally appreciate it. Though somehow I wonder why they even bother if it’s not their passion, or if they were only doing it to get the “points”. But I guess things were just like that. Sometimes, when we like someone we keep on getting their attention…and woah, I guess I was caught off guard. Seriously, I appreciate it. Not that I would admit it anyway. But hjzfhskldfklsadflfds yea that’s it!

Not that I am saying I was actually, “caught off guard” in a literal way.

But didn’t they know that this is something that I always do whenever I found myself alone, or when I am in a good mood to write stuffs about me, my life, my friends, my family, or even about my cats? Harhar very funny. *sarcasm*

I started blogging way back senior high school, when I met these so-called Poets (I wonder if I am still one of them, since I barely see them anymore) and then that’s it! And it was also the time when I started writing Confessions (which was totally gross when I think about it right now, seriously am I being punk or what?) about infatuations and lies and whatnots and everything that was totally disgusting. I hated myself afterwards. People made a big deal out of it when they read it from somewhere (because I printed it out…geez, did I want them to read it or what? I am soooo naive) . That’s when I started to doubt life and all its shits.

And I started to be more careful. To write stuffs with double-meanings. That’s what I am good at.

Though I don’t know why do I bother reading bout some people’s life and whatnots because seriously…it’s very funny and well, kind of held my interests. Because I can see myself in them.

Makes my day…”Mei day mei day! Sargeant!” Private Valentine ❤

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2011 in Doomsday

 

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It’s not a big deal.

Why is it people think there’s something going on when in fact, there’s none? Or is it just me who’s blind enough not to see it?

It’s not much of a big deal but it was like as if people was making a big deal out of it. SERIOUSLY, WHEN I AM IN A FOUL MOOD I DON’T THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO LET THE WORLD KNOW ABOUT IT. Like tonight, for example. I realized certain things which I failed to do before and it actually felt weary. I have problems and issues and…yeah. I don’t think adding this thing to the list will make me feel much better.

It was only a simple message, for goodness sake! Yeah I know it’s soooooo rude not to appreciate everything. BUT I DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO ASSUME, in that case you’re only making an ASS out of U and ME. And that’s totally gross enough.

“I don’t want this.” I told myself.

“I don’t like this.” I try convincing myself.

Am I only playing a serious game?  Or I just let things flow that I didn’t have enough control to take it over?

Fudge. This wasn’t the right time and I guess it wasn’t also the right person. You can feel when there’s something going on. That person would be the one whom you’ll think when you have problems, but I guess it’s not what I did. I HAVE PROBLEMS NOW. Big problems, bigger than myself and my ego.

Like tonight when I realized how much of an unambitious I really am. I have no idea at all what will happen to me in the future. I want to have some achievements that I can tell my future sons and daughters about. I want them to be proud of me.

But I guess now I am failing. And obviously, nonsensical things like crushes or loves or flowers or chocolates didn’t make me feel less miserable.

 
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Posted by on February 16, 2011 in Doomsday

 

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